Survivor Micronesia - The season of the dumb-asses

First, let me express my dismay over the end of what may have been the best Survivor to date. With all the twists, turns and blindsides towards the end, you never knew what was going on. The stupidity of certain players, made it all the more entertaining.

The first half I have to say was pretty lame. The show focused almost completely on the favorites, which was a bit annoying. We really didn’t learn much about the fans until after the merge. But then things started to get interesting. Here’s a few players of note:

Kathleen: What a psycho. From day one we knew she was weird with her commentary on gays. Awwwwkkkwwaaardd…… Then of course her nervous breakdown was well, priceless.

Chet: Was he bizarre or what? Certainly not a pleasant man to look at, he might have been one of the most useless players of all time. My favorite Chet moment was when Joel literally dragged him through the “log maze”, repeatedly slamming his face into tree after tree. I have a feeling that challenge pretty much summed up his high school years.

Eliza: She was kind of like the dorky girl in high school who wanted to fit in so badly, she turned evil when the cool girls wouldn’t let her in. Sitting in the jury, all that girl did was roll her bug eyes and laugh at everyone else’s misfortunes. Maybe the concentration camp she came from right before the show made her a little bitter. East a pork chop girl!

Natalie: You know the girls kept making jokes about stirring their witches’ cauldrons, but I’m pretty sure Natalie has one at home. She was kind of scary at the end, taking about flossing her teeth with the jugular veins of other contestants. Yikes.

James: Isn’t he so hot?

Eric: You just want to pat him on the head and tell him to go play with his little friends. I’m still baffled how he got that far in the game. His hand-off of immunity to Natalie was by far the dumbest move ever on Survivor. Look out Mensa! Just kidding – he’ll probably be in porn within the next 5 years.

Parvarti: Although I really wanted Amanda to win, I have to give Parv her props. She pulled off some awesome coups, and still kept loyal to her original alliance of Amanda and Cirie. She ran that show from beginning to end. Congrats!!

How about some of those jury questions? There weren’t too many surprises – Eliza was angry and bitter, James rakes Parvarti over the coals, Cirie was a little pissed, but my favorite was Ozzy. He absolutely reamed Parvarti. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a jury member go off on someone like that. What was awesome was his declaration of love for Amanda. That was so sweet and so sad, you can’t help but love the guy.

Here’s to a great season, and looking forward to the next. Cheers!

Survivor - the chicken or the egg?

Question - If you are on an island, have a penis, and surrounded by girls, will it make you an imbecile? Or were you an imbecile to begin with? Not unlike the chicken and the egg, it's these rhetorical quandries that a girl could ponder for years and still not understand. Which of course brings us to last night's tribal council, and Eric's unbelievably idiotic decision to willingly hand over his immunity to Natalie. The same Natalie he had blatently screwed over after winning the reward challenge, and was lobbying for to get the boot. Mind boggling, I know.

Here's a quick breakdown of Eric's stupidity, and the genius he was up against. Open to Eric and Natalie, promising each other that of the two of them, whoever won the challenge would send the other to Exile to look for the idol. Cue Cirie, Amanda and Parv trying to figure out a way to use Eric to their advantage. Next to Amanda promising Eric to take him on the reward if she wins, and asking if he will do the same for her. He agrees. Then she talks him into sending Parv to Exile if he wins (preventing anyone else from finding the idol), which he also agrees to. Natalie who?

Eric did win the reward challenge, picked Amanda to go with him to a luxury spa, and sent Parv to Exile. Natalie? Really pissed. Cirie gets Nat back to camp and goes on and on about how Eric screwed Natalie over - "boy I'd be pissed if I were you..." Things are looking good for the ladies until Eric wins immunity. Desparate, the girls came up with a ridiculous plan to talk him into "redeeming himself" for his indescretions by handing over the necklace to Natalie at tribal. "you'll get more votes, everyone will trust you," etc., etc. I'm thinking no one is that stupid.

Once again, I was proven wrong. First off, the acting that was going on at tribal was impeccable. "You have to redeem yourself", "Actions speak louder than words", etc. etc. Then Jeff asks the obligatory question, does Eric want to keep his individual immunity. Eric gives a heart-warming liturgy about redeeming himself and hands it over to Nat. Are you kidding me?! That's 4 males in 4 weeks who had immunity and pissed it away. The best part of this might have been the jury's reaction to this astonishing act of stupidity. Not surprisingly Eric was shown the door, after every single one of those girls voted his ass out. James could barely contain himself from the jury, declaring he was no longer "the dumbest Survivor ever". No James, just one of the four dumbest ever.

Jeff Probst called it a life lesson. I call it fucking hilarious.

Someone finally whipped it out...

Once again, tribal council did not fail to entertain. Where to start!? For the third time this season a contestant left the game for medical reasons. I'm sure we all remember Mary - who could forget her psychotic episode on the beach before the nice men in white coats took her away. Then Jonathan's knee got infected from a cut he got at a challenge, and now James' finger sends him packing.

As the last man standing, Erik was definitely getting the proverbial boot. Sadly for the girls, Erik threw a huge wrench in their plans by winning immunity. What to do?! The girls were forced to turn on each other, basically picking the biggest threat, aka the nicest person on the island. Sadly for Amamnda, this dubious distinction fell to her. To top it off, Amanda is sent to Exile Island. She sets out to find the idol, only to find out it's actually buried back at camp. Drats.

Amanda confides in Parvarti she knows where it is, and Parv conspires with Amanda to give her time to find the idol. Last we see before tribal is Amanda starting to dig under the flag.

Come tribal council, Amanda bertated Erik for not helping her out (she had saved his ass earlier in the season). She held hands with Parvarti, and said she knew she was going home. Everyone votes, and then the obligitory question "does anyone have the hidden immunity idol?" comes up. With a smile and a wave of her hand, Amanda says something like "I have that, right here!". With the exception of Parvati, the looks on everyone's faces were priceless. Obviously other tribe members were NOT happy, but the best was the laughing and high-fives going on with the Jury members. Alexis was promptly send packing courtesy of Amanda and Parvarti.

I love it! Amanda has been my favorite for a while, so it was awesome to see her pull it off. You go girl!

Survivor – Giving men a bad name

All I can say is wow – are big boobs really that intoxicating? Of course I am speaking of another male – Jason this week – not playing the coveted hidden immunity idol. He was so suckered in by the women into believing he was safe, he was completely blindsided when sent packing wondering what the hell happened. That’s three men on this season who have made the same mistake.

Personally, I’m baffled. But I must say that it was good TV. If you are stupid enough to make the same mistake 2 others have already made, one right under your nose, you deserve to be bitch-slapped for being stupid. What a tool.

Meanwhile, what is up with these women? Watching Natalie in her interview brought to mind the antics Charles Montgomery Burns, the evil overlord of the The Simpsons. Right down to the creepy twitching of the fingers. Natalie and Parvarti are definitely NOT winning any votes. Quite frankly they’re starting to creep me out. The only one who has not completely gone over to the dark side is Amanda – I think she could take this whole thing.

Sadly however, I don’t think James will be around much longer, so I won’t be able to ogle his fine, fine male physique. Very unfortunate.