Saturday, September 26, 2009

Why I'll be Shopping at Target

Something is rotten in the state of North Carolina, or at least in Forsyth County. Apparently the number of cases of Syphilis has actually trippled in this area since January.

In an effort to stamp out the scourge, health workers from that county spent a recent weekend canvassing neighborhoods, asking people to get tested for syphilis and HIV in exchange for a $10 Walmart and McDonald's gift cards. And here I thought Walmart didn't care.

Pundits are blaming it on the recession - I guess if people can't work, they screw. Icky.

My advice? If your looking to meet that special someone, I'd steer clear of Walmart. And anyone sporting Wrangler jeans and a Carolina Panthers t-shirt.

And these guys too for that matter. That whole pic just screams venereal disease.

I know where I won't be going on my next vacation...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Not to Say I Told You So...

More bad news on the coming Apocalypse. You may recall my previous post "Here's a Conspiracy For You", which outlined the terrorist plot of snakes around the world trying to take over.

Six African rock pythons, an aggressive species that can grow up to 20 feet long, have been discovered in Florida since 2002, including a pregnant female and two hatchlings. Large and vicious, African rock pythons are known to eat alligators and to humans. There's a new sheriff in town, and it makes Wyatt Earp look like Tinkerbell.

With the addition of the African rock python, Florida is now playing host to three non-native constrictors, including the Burmese python and the boa constrictor. While the Burmese python and boa constrictor are considered fairly mild mannered unless they are hungry, African rock pythons are said to exist in a permanent bad mood and will strike with little provocation. Oh, and females lay about 100 egg at a time. These animals have been found with everything from alligators to adult human males in their stomachs. And apparently, they've set their sights on North America. I mean, look at that thing!

What kills me are these people who continue to breed and nurture what seems to be evolving into one of The Four Horsemen. Last week, authorities seized a 400-pound, 18-foot-long Burmese python from a home near Lake Apopka. The giant snake belonged to the brother of Melvin Cheever, who began caring for it after his sibling moved out of state. He said he had fed the snake seven rabbits earlier in the day and that the python was very docile. Very docile indeed...

I also included a pic of some good samaritan who is raising a few of these lovely creatures. Look, a water bowl and everything. How sweet.

What the hell is going on?! Did Keeping up with the Kardashians finally send Mother nature over the edge? I thought maybe we had saved ourselves by getting the Republicans out of power, but apparently, too little, too late.