Friday, April 17, 2009

Here's a Conspiracy For You...

Some of you may have heard by now about the “snake invasion” going on down in Florida. Yes, Burmese pythons have apparently taken over the Everglades, and are currently finalizing plans for their imminent worldwide invasion.

First of all, let’s all take a look at the Burmese Python. They can grow up to twenty feet long, and weigh up to 200 pounds. They eat alligators – that’s right, alligators. This lovely photo is of a python that has just eaten a pregnant sheep. They have tracked snakes that have traveled over 43 miles. Some of these snakes have actually swam from the mainland to the Florida Keys. And to boot, they reproduce like rabbits. They found one python in the Everglades with 85 developing eggs. Current estimates put the population at about 30,000 in the Everglades alone.

Are you fucking kidding me?! 30,000, 20’ long, 200 pound snakes running amuck, and evidently out of room. And apparently, the entire bottom 1/3 of the United States is environmentally sound for python habitation. This is just like that killer bee scare, on a much, much, way fucking much bigger scale.

It’s the next news bit that I came across that has convinced me that the snakes in Florida are, in fact, a sign of The End Times. The snakes of the world are beginning to organize…

MELBOURNE, Australia Four baby pythons escaped from a container aboard a passenger plane in Australia, leading to a search that forced the cancellation of two flights, the airline said Thursday.

(God I love that clip...) When the flight landed, it was discovered that four snakes had escaped from the package, a Qantas spokeswoman said in a statement. A reptile expert searched for the snakes but did not find them. It was not known if the snakes were still on the plane or if they had somehow escaped outside after the plane landed. When the snakes were not found, the airplane was fumigated and it returned to service on Wednesday.

My guess, they’re meeting up with their reptilian cohorts to begin planning their invasion of the land down under. I’m hoping their next target is France.

So all those purses and cowboy boots are finally catching up with us. And Texas, I’m looking at you. So watch your ass, Southfork. It’s payback time.

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