Pawns and Pasties - oh yeah...

I know I’ve been slacking on my “bizarre websites” series, but this week I found a real gem. The website is the home page for “Coltness Chess and Lap Dance Club”. Yes, you read right. Chess and cheeks – who could ask for more?

Here’s a blurb from their site: “Coltness Chess and Lap Dance Club is a unique concept in entertainment. First established in 1923 the club struggled for many years trying to raise competitive teams with a dwindling membership. In 1998 the newly elected club president, Mike Andover, made radical changes. By combining lap dancing and chess the club was transformed overnight. In its first year of this new format, membership rose from 17 to 203.”

Go figure.

Another endorsement from the site proclaims “The club is also very proud of its dancers. As well as local talent we regularly invite guest dancers from all around the country. We even have celebrity nights and have seen excellent dance routines from the likes of Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson. Each night up to six dancers entertain our players between moves. Chess has never been such fun! Lap Dancing has never required so much concentration.“

This concept is so bizarre – combining the dullest, dorkiest game ever played, with thongs and pasties. However in taking a look at the average chess team, this will probably be the closest that these fine young men will ever come to seeing boobs outside of a TV screen. Bless their hearts.

The site also offers lap dancing tips, puzzles, games, a striptease video, and even a “virtual lapdance” (I was afraid to click on that one).

Who knew? Bobby Fischer, eat your heart out.

Watch your back DaVinci!

So here it is, the Asinine Website of the Week.

The website, Chindogu, refers to the art of the "unuseless idea." As described by Kenji Kawakami, author of “101 Unuseless Japanese Inventions: The Art of Chindogu”, Chindogu features devices designed to solve all the nagging problems of domestic life.

Chindogu devices are the answer for life’s little conundrums such as, “how can I make my toilet seat feel like real grass?”, or “how can I wear a roll of toilet paper on my head so I don’t run out?”, or the ever-present “I wish I had a fake appendage to practice hand-holding with my new girlfriend – my palms are so sweaty when I’m nervous!”

This is some of the most bizarre crap I’ve ever come across. There are chew counters to keep track of your chewing endurance, a solar powered lighter that includes a magnifying glass, and a noodle eaters hair guard that when worn, makes you appear to be an extra on the set of Jurassic Park. I can’t seem to pick a favorite – it’s a toss up between the 360o Daddy Nurser, or the Outdoor Loo Seat to put me back in touch with nature.

There is a much bigger collection of these gems that can be found at The Chindogu Files. Prepared to be shocked and awed.