Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Why People Make Fun of Marketing

As many of you know, I’ve been working in the Marketing industry for most of my adult life. I’ve seen quite a bit of bad and bizarre marketing and advertising, and these little gems fall decidedly into both. I recently read an article in DM News, normally an extremely boring trade publication, on “unique” mailing lists. Here’s my personal favorites from the top ten weirdest lists they came across:

“Dads Who Throw Turkeys”: What?! This just screams “My Big Redneck Wedding”. Oddly enough, the picture to the right illustrates exactly what I though of. And yes, this is a picture from an actual Turkey Toss COntest in Birmingham Alabama. Note the turkey flying in front of the tree, the belly in mid flight, and the judges table to make sure all is above board.

As it turns out, this list has something to do with bowling. Maybe it’s just me, but perhaps some more though should’ve gone into coming up with a list name that means something to the other 98% of the population.

“Mancation Nation”: This one threw me. What the hell is a “Mancation”, and why would I want to market to people that have them, buy them, sell them, or ingest them? Apparently, an “Mancation” is when dudes from Miller Lite commercials go on a trip to do really manly stuff. Like get really drunk, fart a lot, and kill anything that moves.

“Celebrities”: Sounds innocuous enough. However 48,500 people on the list seems a bit much. Granted, there are many “celebrities” out there (yes Paris I’m talking about you) where we should probably use that term loosely. This list however includes every moron to have every graced the set of a reality TV show. Now that’s loose.

“My Colon MD”: Yikes. I’m thinking a little more “creativity” could have been put into this list to make it a hair more professional, other than “the butt doctor list”. On the other hand the possibilities for people like me are endless. I’d probably go with something like “Doctors Obsessed with Assholes in Medical School”, “Sphincter Specialists”, or my personal favorite “Assholes ‘R Us”.

I mean who in there right mind wouldn't want to "probe the depths" on this guy?

“The Collagen Store”: I’m assuming this is a list of companies that make collagen to be injected into the lips of prima-donnas and porn stars around the world. So, what, do you buy it by the vat? Eeeew.

There you have it – one more pearl from the oyster that is Marketing.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Bill Tweed Revisited

Chicago. Place of my birth, home of the Bears, pizza to die for, and Senate seats up for bid. What more could you ask for?

Rod Blagojevich, as most of you have heard by now, has been caught on tape saying he wanted "to make money'' on the Obama senate appointment. "I have got this thing and it's [bleeping] golden," . It’s good to be king I guess.

And now Jesse Jackson Jr. is coming forward as the infamous "Senate Candidate 5", whose aide approached Blagojevich with a 500K offer for the seat. More shocking however, is that apparently in the past few years he’s been working as an informant in other investigations into Blagojevich. Personally, I’d like that confirmed by the US Attorney’s office.

However Jackson did have a bone to pick with good old Rod. An anonymous Jackson aide said "Blagojevich went out of his way to say, 'You know I was considering your wife for the lottery job and the $25,000 you didn't give me? That's why she's not getting the job,"'. Yikes.

For some reason, to me, the most offensive of all was his attempts to shake down the Tribune Co., threatening to withold the sale of Wrigley Field unless the company fired some of the newspaper's editorial writers who have been less than kind to Blagojevich’s “management style”. Apparently Mr. Blagojevich believes Illinois to be his own little East Berlin.

Al Capone must be rolling over in his grave lamenting “why didn’t I think of that?!” Mario Puzo couldn’t have written it better.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I love deer

If this isn't a case of "brought it on yourself" I don't know what is. This jerk SO had it coming...

"SEDALIA, Mo. – A hunter bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Randy Goodman, 49, said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him, but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life.

The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called "15 seconds of hell." The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots."

Oh poor Mr. Goodman going through those terrible 15 seconds of hell. You know what would really suck though, is if you were just chillin' in your house with some Corn-Nuts and soda, and some psycho comes in and shoots you twice with a high powered rifle. Then when you try to fight the bastard off, he shoots you 2 more times.

I'll tell you what, if I had antlers I'd sure as hell use them too.

"Soon Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood.

So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises."

So another proud moment for our neighbors south of the Mason-Dixon. Another good ole' boy gets bloody and bruised by trying to maim, kill and otherwise destroy something for absolutely no good reason. Eye for an eye, that's what I say.

What a jackass.