Seriously?

Here's something from the Give Me A Fucking Break category. According to Rep. John Culberson (R - TX), House Republicans compare their plight in the newly Democrat-ruled House of Republicans to that of the Iranian people.

Here's what the twit tweeted on Monday, after Republicans were unable to offer more bullshit amendments to appropriation bills pushed through the House:

"Good to see Iranian people move mountains w social media, shining sunlight on their repressive govt - Texans support their bid for freedom"

"Oppressed minorities includeHouseRepubs: We are using social media to expose repression such as last night's D clampdown shutting off amends"

Additionally, Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) tweeted something similar:

"Iranian twitter activity similar to what we did in House last year when Republicans were shut down in the House."

Bitch please. Are you telling me that your bullshit agendas remotely compare with the freedome of an entire nation? Are you saying that having your feelings hurt by the Big Bad Dems is comprable to having to flee for your life in the middle of the night as your family and friends are being summarily rounded up to God knows what end?

All I have to say is waaaaah fucking waaaaah. Put on your big girl panties and suck it up. We sure as hell did during the last eight years while you people wiped your asses with the US Bill of Rights. And you people wonder why you lost - shame on you!!!

I'm sure this guy feels your pain - why don't you send him a tweet.

Does Something Seem Off?

Driving to work today I just could not get over the fact that The Evil One is gone. It’s like winning the lottery! For the longest time I’ve felt an ongoing, pervasive dread I just couldn’t place. A feeling of anger and antipathy bubbling just below the surface. Today I woke up and realized something was off, because I was in a good mood. And then I remembered George W. Bush is no longer president! Yay!

Call him what you will, Satan, The Dark Lord, Beelzebub, Lord Sauron, Atilla the Hun, The Antichrist, he’s been the face of America for 8 years. A disturbingly ugly face, but a face nonetheless. Thankfully, that face is finally changing.

Just think, no more Charles Montgomery Burns evil snickering, no more bastardizations of the English language, no more redneck accent, and oh – no more killing of innocent civilians, and sending our troops to their deaths to fight a made up war based on lies. Which is a good thing.

Anyway – I just had to share my glee. I know I may seem harsh, but wow, so have been the last 8 years. I know things aren’t going to be perfect overnight, and I hope the rest of America keeps that in mind as well. We finally have a good man in office, so let’s give him the time to do a good job.

In closing, kiss my white ass George!!!

Bill Tweed Revisited

Chicago. Place of my birth, home of the Bears, pizza to die for, and Senate seats up for bid. What more could you ask for?

Rod Blagojevich, as most of you have heard by now, has been caught on tape saying he wanted "to make money'' on the Obama senate appointment. "I have got this thing and it's [bleeping] golden," . It’s good to be king I guess.

And now Jesse Jackson Jr. is coming forward as the infamous "Senate Candidate 5", whose aide approached Blagojevich with a 500K offer for the seat. More shocking however, is that apparently in the past few years he’s been working as an informant in other investigations into Blagojevich. Personally, I’d like that confirmed by the US Attorney’s office.

However Jackson did have a bone to pick with good old Rod. An anonymous Jackson aide said "Blagojevich went out of his way to say, 'You know I was considering your wife for the lottery job and the $25,000 you didn't give me? That's why she's not getting the job,"'. Yikes.

For some reason, to me, the most offensive of all was his attempts to shake down the Tribune Co., threatening to withold the sale of Wrigley Field unless the company fired some of the newspaper's editorial writers who have been less than kind to Blagojevich’s “management style”. Apparently Mr. Blagojevich believes Illinois to be his own little East Berlin.

Al Capone must be rolling over in his grave lamenting “why didn’t I think of that?!” Mario Puzo couldn’t have written it better.

McCain's secret plan to save the world

I think I may have judged John McCain unfairly. I’m starting to believe that today’s John McCain is not the tyrannical megalomaniac I have painted him to be. I think John McCain is covertly trying to lose the election, and save us from four more years of corruption and war-mongering.

How, you ask? Meet Gov. Sarah Palin – any presidential candidate’s worst possible choice for VP. Here’s a quick look at her “resume”:

- Ms. Alaska title
- Journalism degree from University of Idaho
- Sportscaster on TV station
- Member of PTA in Wasilla, Alaska, population less than 9,000
- Member of city council in Wasilla
- Mayor of Wasilla, two terms
- Pursued the nomination for Lieutenant Governor, lost
- Won Governorship in Alaska. Less than two years in office

No one in their right mind would want someone this unqualified waiting to step in as president, right?! Surely McCain knows this – which is why he picked her! He must know there is no way he will be elected with this dingbat on his ticket. This way, he can avoid pissing off the GOP, while still delivering this great country of ours into the safe hands of the Democrats.

I mean, here’s a prime example of her ineptitude. She was asked to cite a Supreme Court ruling that she disagreed with, other than Roe v Wade. She could not come up with a single one. Not one. As a Governor, I would think she’d have some idea about this country’s legal evolution. But here’s the real kicker – In May of this year, the Supreme Court refused to act on her own petition to stop polar bears from being added to the endangered species list.

Obviously, you’d think she’d get this one - she wrote brief after brief about it. Apparently, she just froze up. Is that what we can expect of her during international negotiations? Excellent – very reassuring.

The polar bear issue itself also gives us a view of life with Sarah Palin. Some of you may have heard of that pesky “global warming” thing, which right now is melting away the polar bear’s natural habitat. She isn’t even sure that global warming exists at all, and has expressed that if there is any warming, it wasn’t caused by man’s use of fossil fuels. Which is an interesting position to take, as her husband works for British Petroleum. Hmmm. Had her petition succeeded of course, her hubby’s employer would have a lot more land to exploit. Fuck the polar bear.

Anyhoo, I can’t tell you how relieved I am that John McCain is truly the American hero I always thought he was. I had really thought that Mr. McCain had crossed over to the dark side. But now that I know what he’s really up to, I can sleep easier at night. But seriously though, that’s has to be his reason for Palin right? No way he’s dumb enough to pick her and expect to win. That would make him just another ultra-conservative, psychotic GOP clone, wouldn’t it?

Nah.

How to Raise an Idiot

Last night on Leno, we were introduced to the 3 dumbest people in America. That’s what I’d like to think of course, but I’m pretty sure that’s just wishful thinking. He started the show with “JayWalking Allstars” - asking some basic questions to the “man on the street”. These are the pearls of wisdom that got these people this dubious title:

Question to Larissa: “Who are Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac?”
Answer: “I don’t know. Are they dancers?”

Question to Harmik: “Who is the Vice President?”
Answer: “Uh, I know this – it’s not Dan Quayle – no it’s that other person”

Question - “Who is Nancy Pelosi, why is she famous? She’s the first woman to do something.”
Jannia: “She’s the first woman to do something? Oh. That blows a couple of things I thought about. I think there was a girl that does porn, but she’s not the first.”

So these three political glitterati were brought on for a face-off. Here is a sampling of how that went:

Question – shown a picture of Mahatma Ghandi: Harmik, who is this?
Harmik - That guy who played Mahatma Ghandi – Ben Kingsley

Question - Who succeeded Ronald Regan as President
Larissa - Succeeded meaning…? Came after him? OK. I only know a certain amount of presidents, you know. Just the important ones – I can’t even names the ones that I don’t know.

Question – Where is Red Square?
Jannia – Are we thinking board games here? Um, search me.

Question – I’ll give you two names, who are they? Orville and Wilbur.
Larissa – Redenbacher! Oh no – the plane guys.

Question – Where would you go to find the Space Needle?
Jannia – If it’s the space needle, wouldn’t be in space? (is told it’s on the ground) Oh, oh, Area 51!

Question – What does Condaleeza Rice Do?
Harmik – She tells the president what to do
Jannia – The other woman
Larissa – They brought her up in school one time. She did something wrong. Didn’t she?

Question (shown a picture of John Edwards): Who is this?
Harmik – Yeah he’s an actor – that guy from Twister. Bill Pullman.

It boggles my mind that people like this walk around every day, and somehow manage not to step in front of a bus. To be fair, all 3 of these future politicos are in their early 20’s (not to mention acting students), but come on! How can you not know who the Vice President is!

Well, let’s hope those bus drivers start taking aim – natural selection, baby.

grumpy old men

What’s happened to John McCain? He started this race as an honorable statesman and war-hero, with the highest respect from his peers. Going into this race, I remember thinking “if it has to be a Republican, I would want it to be John McCain.” Not so much anymore.

This morning I got to see Mr. McCain’s latest campaign ad, comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears - all celebrity and no substance. Apparently they are trying to take Obama’s popularity and turn it into a vice. But, don’t all political candidates want to be popular? Isn’t that how they get elected? Doesn’t McCain want the public to like him, or does he even care?

Within hours of that gem, he flat-out accused Obama of “playing the race card”. Seriously!? I can’t think of anything more desperate or cliché to throw into a political campaign. This came in response to Obama stating that Republicans would try and scare the public by saying things like "`he's (Obama) not patriotic enough, he's got a funny name,' you know, `he doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills.`” McCain sounds more and more desperate every time he opens his mouth.

And then there’s all the viral bullshit floating around. There was a heart-warming memo about the many, many virtues of Cindy McCain, supposedly written by an “objective observer”. Of course it doesn’t talk about how she is a recovering drug addict, and stole said drugs from a charitable organization to feed her habit. In a not-so-strange coincidence, this came out right about the time Michelle Obama was being bashed for saying she was finally proud of her government. Hmmm...

Another memo, again supposedly from a concerned citizen trying to inform the masses, on the evils of Barack Obama: he’s a radical Muslim, he refuses to recite the pledge of allegiance, he was sworn into Senate on the Quran instead of the bible… It goes on and on with outright, confirmed falsehoods. I wonder where this stuff comes from…

The last straw came for me this morning, when my Republican friend sent me a video comparing Barack Obama to Fidel Castro. They were both young and promised change, therefore Obama will become a dictator and turn us into a communist state. You can watch it here. If this isn’t a ridiculous case of grabbing at straws, I don’t know what is.

So what has happened to John McCain? He was an honorable, likeable, moderate Republican that had promise. Certainly, any honor he had is long gone. He’s become a desperate, angry old man, trying to mask his own unpopularity by spewing lies and ridiculous innuendo. And yes, I applaud Obama for taking the high road. He’s not handing out mud pies, he’s barely recognizing the ones being thrown at him.

Is it November yet?

Jesse Jackson offers support, castration

Jesse Jackson is the latest in a long line of political supporters to open their big fat mouths and become a liability to their politician of choice. His recent comment on his desire to relieve Obama of his nut sack is a prime example. Of course Jesse is known for some interesting sound bytes, including his description of New York as “Hymietown” – a classic.

Why can’t these people keep their mouths shut, or God forbid think before they speak? Is there a contest going on to see who can be the most inflammatory, because every week there’s a new pearl of wisdom that the press is all over like white on rice. Here are a few examples of really stupid comments from this presidential race alone:

Charlie Black, McCain Top Advisor: - “Another terrorist attack on U.S. soil would be a "big advantage" and such an attack "certainly would be a big advantage to him." And Republicans wonder why us Dems look at most Republicans as war-mongers. It must be all in our heads. Speaking of “all in our heads”…

Phil Graham, McCain Economic Advisor: "We have sort of become a nation of whiners," and "You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline". "You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession." I guess we’re all imagining the skyrocketing price of gas, ridiculous price of food, and the mass layoffs of late. And if they are real, stop fucking whining about it! What a jackass.

Samantha Power, Obama Foreign Policy Aide - "She is a monster, too – that is off the record – she is stooping to anything." I knew I saw horns poking out from under her hair! A bit much, don’t you think? And please, you’re talking to a reporter – nothing’s off the record, dumbass.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Obama’s Pastor: “Hillary is married to Bill, and Bill has been good to us. No he ain’t! Bill did us, just like he did Monica Lewinsky. He was riding dirty.” and this gem "Hillary can never know that. Hillary ain't never been called a nigger." Nice. So if you haven’t been grievously insulted, you are not qualified to hold office. Maybe someone should publicly tell her to always wear a white dress, because the dishwasher should match the fridge. Would that make her worthy? It’s so endearing to hear a man of the cloth fostering peace, harmony and love.

Personally, I think this crap is hilarious, and the hits just seem to keep on comin’. I’m hoping someone will tell Cindy McCain that it would be tacky to let a trophy wife become First Lady.