"Happiest Place on Earth" shows dark side

In a disturbing show of force, Disneyland was surrounded by angry Disney characters calling for blood this Thursday. Those lovable Disney characters who have won the hearts of millions, apparently “have finally had enough” The openly hostile horde complained of hostile work environments, decreasing wages and now greatly reduced benefits.

According to screen legend Robin Hood, Disney has “gone too far” in its recent proposal to the labor union. Disney wants to eliminate the free health plan for new hires, affecting such newcomers as Wall-E, Prince Caspian, and Chloe the Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Also put at risk are contract negotiations with Bolt and Mr. Mittens of the highly anticipated “Bolt the American Dog”, scheduled to be released late 2008. “I just don’t know if I want to be associated with a franchise that treats its talent with such little regard.” said Mr. Mittens. “I have a litter due in less than a month – I need that healthcare!”

Additionally, Disney wants to create a new class of workers who put in less than 30 hours a week. Those part-time workers would receive no sick or vacation pay and not be given holidays. The company also wants to increase the number of hours full-time employees must work before qualifying for the health plan.

“Where will it end?” exclaimed Ariel of “Little Mermaid” fame. “We can only give so much of ourselves. I’ve been putting in over 60 hours a week with this ‘Disney Princess’ bullshit, and I’m completely tapped!”. She also added “Hell, I should be getting a raise for putting up with that pretentious bitch Snow White for the last 5 years. Princess my ass”.

Disney spokeswoman Lisa Haines said Disney and the union are in negotiations and nothing has been finalized. "Clearly we're disappointed that Unite Here Local 681 has spent more time protesting," she said. "Publicity stunts are not productive and are extremely disruptive to the resort district."

Mickey Mouse, co-founder of Disney, could not be reached for comment.