How to fit in

BOCOG (the Beijing Organizing Committee of the Olympic Games) has announced a list of 57 “Rules for Foreigners”, presented in a Q&A format. Here’s a few choice picks representative of the warm reception you can expect in Beijing:

• Some parts of the country are closed to visitors -- specifically Tibet.
• Olympic tickets are no guarantee of a visa to enter China. Visas seem to be harder and harder to get – it’s almost like they don’t want us there…
• Don’t plan on camping out – you will be considered homeless. They don’t want you to disturbing their “civilized” appearance.
• Plan on carrying your passport with you everywhere. This way they can “examine” the passports at any time. You know, like in Nazi Germany.
• It is prohibited to wave banners of any religious, political or ethnic slogans, banners and other items. Leave your “Free Tibet” posters at home.
• Don’t get drunk in public, or you will be “dealt with”
• Don’t bring into China “anything detrimental to China’s politics, economy, culture or moral standards, including printed material, film negatives, photos, records, movies, tape recordings, videotapes, optical discs and other items.” And yes, that includes the Judas Priest LP’s you were planning on bringing.

• All rallies, demonstrations and marches, at athletic sites or anywhere else, are also banned during the Games unless approved in advance by public security agencies (like that’s going to happen), a longstanding policy in China even when no Games or other big events are being held. So basically, all you have to do is ask permission to protest, and you can! Right.
• All public swimming pools in Shanghai will check shampoos and body wash. As every good Chinese citizen knows, us Interlopers are pretty filthy.

Now, I understand China’s desire to keep the status quo. The problem is their idea of “status quo” is a long way off from the rest of the worlds. Not every government monitors and censors it citizens with an iron fist. And some of these absurd “common sense” rules are downright insulting. Really, we have to bathe!? Those darn Communists!