Leave the Valtrex at Home...

I love the Olympics. I love the competition, I love routing for my country, and appreciate the talent it takes to get there. Most of all, I love the sense of warmth and good-will that is generated by the Olympics. However, I think my impression of the Olympics as a whole is about to change. This article is the first of a series that should give an idea of what to expect from “the host country” for these Olympics.

On Monday, the organizers of the Beijing Olympics issued its “Six categories of laowai (foreigners) who will be banned from entering China.” Most of them make sense, relating to terrorist activities, selling drugs, etc. There are a few in particular however that seem a bit much.

Here’s the complete list:
1 Foreigners who have already been deported by the government (unless you have been deported and already served your three-year ban… then you’re free to re-apply for a visa – no guarantees though, obviously)
2 Foreigners who have the potential to conduct terrorist operations, violence, or to plan to “overthrow the government”
3 Foreigners considered to have the potential to smuggle or sell drugs or engage in prostitution (closing Maggie’s was a good first step)
4 Have a psychological disorder or other disease such as leprosy, tuberculosis, or a “sexual illness”
5 Foreigners who can not afford expenses during their stay in Beijing
6 Foreigners who are considered to have the potential to endanger the state security and state interests

Number 5 is one of my favorites - “Foreigners who can not afford expenses during their stay in Beijing”. It’s just so ridiculous! Do they really think the world’s indigent have saved up for a ticket to China to go beg there? Why would someone go to the Olympics of all things of they were flat broke? And is this concern really in the same league with terrorist acts?

I also liked #3, “Foreigners considered to have the potential to smuggle or sell drugs or engage in prostitution”. Does that mean if you dress like a tramp or wear lots of gold chains they won’t let you in? What exactly do they mean by “potential”?

Obviously, the most disturbing is #4. Psychological disorder? Sexual illness? And who the hell has leprosy any more? I can’t believe that these issues are looked upon with such derision by the Chinese that they would ban people sealing with these things them from the Olympics. And how exactly will this be enforced - are they going to pat me down for Valtrex? Will I be searched for Prozac? Or maybe it will be on the honor system.

To me, this is a clear representation of how the Chinese view the rest of the world. Beggars, thieves, depraved, crazy and diseased – Why did they sign up for this if it meant letting in the riff-raff from outside their precious borders? I really think the IOC had it's head up it's ass when this decision was made, and think it's going to blow up in their faces.

Just remember all you lepers out there, China is on to your rotting asses!